Parental guidance is important, but what happens when it becomes overbearing? The Bible calls for parents to nurture their children in faith, but it also warns against provoking or controlling them. Let’s take a look at what Scripture says about finding the balance between guidance and control in parenting.
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What Does The Bible Say About Controlling Parents
Ephesians 6:1-3
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—”so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
This verse highlights the importance of children obeying and honoring their parents. It is a commandment that comes with a promise of blessings and well-being. However, it is essential to note that this verse assumes that parents are guiding their children in the ways of the Lord.
While it is important to obey and honor parents, it does not mean that children should be subjected to controlling or abusive behavior. Parents should exercise their authority in a loving and nurturing way, guiding their children according to biblical principles and allowing them to develop their individuality.
Colossians 3:21
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
This verse specifically addresses fathers, reminding them not to provoke their children to anger or discouragement. Controlling parents often impose strict rules and unrealistic expectations that can have a detrimental effect on their children’s emotional well-being.
Parents should strive to create an environment of trust, respect, and open communication, allowing their children to voice their opinions, make choices, and learn from their mistakes. By nurturing their children’s spirits and providing guidance with love and compassion, parents can foster healthy relationships and create an atmosphere where children can thrive.
Proverbs 22:6
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.”
This verse emphasizes the importance of early guidance in a child’s life. However, controlling parents may hinder their children’s ability to grow and develop their own beliefs and values.
While parents play a significant role in imparting wisdom and faith, it is crucial for them to allow children the freedom to explore their own beliefs within the boundaries of biblical principles. This verse encourages parents to lay a foundation of faith and values while also promoting independent thinking and decision-making.
Matthew 7:9-11
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
In this verse, Jesus highlights the inherent goodness of God as a heavenly Father. It serves as a reminder to parents that they should strive to be loving, understanding, and supportive, providing for their children’s needs and desires.
Controlling parents often prioritize their own desires and expectations over the well-being and happiness of their children. This verse calls parents to emulate God’s loving nature, demonstrating unconditional love and grace, rather than using their authority to maintain control.
Proverbs 13:24
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
While discipline is an essential aspect of parenting, it should be carried out in a balanced and loving manner. Controlling parents may resort to harsh and excessive punishment, leading to fear and resentment in their children.
This verse emphasizes the importance of discipline rooted in love. Parents should provide guidance and correction with patience, understanding, and a desire to teach their children important life lessons as they grow and mature.
Proverbs 1:8-9
“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.”
This verse encourages children to listen to the teaching and guidance of their parents. However, it does not condone parents exerting control over every aspect of their children’s lives.
Children should respect and value the wisdom and experience of their parents while also being allowed to make their own decisions and learn from their own experiences. This verse highlights the importance of a healthy balance between parental guidance and individual autonomy.
Proverbs 29:17
“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.”
In this verse, the emphasis is on disciplining children in a manner that brings peace and delight. Controlling parents, on the other hand, may create an atmosphere of fear, anxiety, and constant tension within the family.
Parents should approach discipline with the intention of fostering growth, character development, and the acquisition of positive values. By creating an environment of love, trust, and understanding, parents can raise children who willingly and joyfully contribute to the harmony and well-being of the family.
Proverbs 22:15
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”
This verse acknowledges the natural tendencies of children to make mistakes and display foolish behavior. However, it is important to note that the rod of discipline mentioned here does not refer to physical punishment but rather corrective guidance and instruction.
Controlling parents may overreact and respond to every mistake with strict disciplinary measures, without considering the emotional and spiritual growth of their children. This verse encourages parents to discipline their children with wisdom and discernment, seeking their overall development rather than simply asserting control.
Galatians 4:1-2
“What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father.”
This verse draws a parallel between being under the control of guardians and the situation of a child who has not yet reached maturity. While parents have a responsibility to guide and protect their children, they should also recognize and respect their growing independence.
Controlling parents may struggle to relinquish control and allow their children the freedom to make their own choices and learn from their own experiences. This verse encourages parents to trust the process of their children’s development, allowing them to mature and take on increasing responsibility as they grow.
Proverbs 23:13-14
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.”
While this verse mentions using the rod as a form of punishment, it is important to interpret it in the context of biblical wisdom and the principles of love and grace. The purpose of discipline is not to exercise control, but to guide children towards a path of righteousness.
Controlling parents may focus solely on punitive measures without considering the development of character and an understanding of God’s ways. Discipline should be rooted in love, aiming to teach and correct rather than to instill fear or assert dominance.
Proverbs 20:7
“The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”
This verse emphasizes the influence that righteous living can have on the lives of children. It highlights the importance of parents acting as positive role models and living lives characterized by integrity and godliness.
Controlling parents who do not model righteousness may inadvertently lead their children down a path of rebellion and resentment. By living out their faith and values in a genuine and consistent manner, parents can inspire their children to grow in their own faith and live virtuous lives.
Psalm 127:3-5
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
This verse highlights the preciousness and value of children, portraying them as a reward from God. It emphasizes the responsibility that parents have in raising and nurturing their children.
Controlling parents may fail to recognize the uniqueness and individuality of each child, treating them as mere extensions of themselves or objects to be controlled. Instead, parents should see their children as gifts, encouraging them to develop their own strengths, talents, and personalities.
Proverbs 23:24-25
“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him. May your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!”
These verses highlight the joy and delight that parents experience when their children grow and flourish in righteousness and wisdom. It brings immense satisfaction and happiness to see children make wise choices and live according to godly principles.
Controlling parents who prioritize control over nurturing may miss out on the joy that comes from witnessing their children’s growth and accomplishments. By fostering an environment of love, trust, and respect, parents can rejoice in their children’s development and celebrate their successes alongside them.
Genesis 2:24
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
This verse highlights the eventual separation that takes place when children leave their parents to form their own families. It signifies the importance of allowing children to establish their independence and make their own choices.
Controlling parents may struggle with this transition, holding on to their children and refusing to let go. However, it is crucial for parents to recognize and respect the need for their children to establish their own lives, while still maintaining healthy relationships and connections.
Proverbs 29:15
“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”
This verse emphasizes the role of discipline in shaping a child’s character and fostering wisdom. Discipline, when administered with love and wisdom, can guide children towards a path of righteousness.
Controlling parents may neglect the importance of discipline or resort to extreme measures that lead to shame and disgrace for both the child and the parent. Discipline should be carried out in a balanced and appropriate manner, focusing on teaching important life lessons and instilling godly values.
Proverbs 14:26
“Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children, it will be a refuge.”
This verse highlights the importance of fearing and revering God as a foundation for building a secure and stable family life. When parents prioritize their relationship with God, it creates an atmosphere of peace and security for their children.
Controlling parents may be more focused on their own desires and need for control rather than seeking the counsel and guidance of God. By modeling a life rooted in faith and trust, parents create a refuge for their children, nurturing their spiritual growth and well-being.
Proverbs 19:18
“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.”
This verse emphasizes the importance of discipline as a means of guiding children towards a hopeful and purposeful future. Discipline, when administered with love and grace, can shape children’s character and steer them away from destructive paths.
Controlling parents may inadvertently contribute to their children’s spiritual, emotional, and relational death by exerting excessive control and stifling their individuality. It is vital for parents to exercise discipline in a manner that fosters growth, restoration, and the development of a strong moral compass.
Proverbs 22:15
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”
This verse acknowledges the tendency of children to exhibit foolish behavior, but it reminds parents that discipline can help them grow and mature.
Controlling parents may react harshly to every instance of their child’s folly without considering the importance of guiding and teaching them. Discipline should be seen as a tool to help children navigate through their mistakes and grow in wisdom.
Proverbs 20:11
“Even small children are known by their actions, so is their conduct really pure and upright?”
This verse highlights the significance of children’s behavior and actions as reflections of their character and upbringing. It encourages parents to pay attention to the conduct of their children.
Controlling parents may focus solely on outward behavior without addressing the heart and character development. Parenting should involve not only guiding children’s actions but also nurturing their hearts and teaching them to discern between right and wrong.
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
This verse specifically addresses fathers, cautioning them against provoking their children to frustration or anger. It encourages parents to raise their children in an atmosphere of training and instruction rooted in the ways of the Lord.
Controlling parents may fail to provide the necessary emotional support and understanding, leading to resentment and strained relationships. Instead, parents should strive to create an environment of love, grace, and spiritual guidance, ensuring that their children grow in a deep understanding of God’s truth.
Proverbs 6:20
“My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”
This verse underscores the importance of children honoring and obeying their parents’ teachings. However, it is crucial to understand that obedience should not be rooted in fear or control.
Controlling parents may use their authority to manipulate and subjugate their children, leading to an unhealthy dependence. Instead, parents should strive to earn the respect and obedience of their children through their genuine love, wisdom, and consistent teaching of godly principles.
Matthew 10:37
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
This verse emphasizes the need for individuals to prioritize their love and devotion to God above all else, including their family relationships. It encourages a proper perspective on the roles and responsibilities of parents and children.
Controlling parents may place their desires and expectations above the spiritual growth and well-being of their children, inadvertently prioritizing familial control over their relationship with God. Parents should foster an environment where their children can develop their personal relationship with God and prioritize their own commitment to following Christ.