The Bible calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Today, we’ll explore what God’s Word says about harshness in marriage and how to cultivate a loving, godly relationship.
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What Does The Bible Say About Harsh Husbands
Ephesians 5:25-28
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
This verse emphasizes the importance of husbands showing love and self-sacrifice towards their wives, just as Christ loved the church. It encourages husbands to prioritize the well-being and spiritual growth of their wives, treating them with honor and respect. By loving their wives as their own bodies, husbands are reminded of the unity and partnership within marriage, where both spouses are called to love and support one another.
Colossians 3:19
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
This verse highlights the command for husbands to love their wives and warns against being harsh towards them. It implies that harshness goes against the loving and nurturing attitude that should characterize a marriage relationship. God desires husbands to treat their wives with gentleness, kindness, and patience, seeking to build them up and create a positive and harmonious environment within the marriage.
1 Peter 3:7
“Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
This verse encourages husbands to be considerate in their relationships with their wives and to treat them with respect. It acknowledges the inherent differences between husband and wife but emphasizes the equal value and importance they hold in God’s eyes. The command to treat wives with respect and honor also highlights the connection between how husbands treat their wives and the effectiveness of their prayers, indicating that it is important to maintain a healthy and loving relationship in order to have a vibrant spiritual life.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
This verse highlights the mutual responsibility of both spouses to fulfill their marital duties. It emphasizes the equal partnership and mutual submission within marriage, where both husband and wife have a role to play in meeting each other’s needs. This challenges the notion of one-sided dominance or control within the relationship, encouraging husbands to value and serve their wives just as wives are called to value and serve their husbands.
Matthew 19:6
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
This verse affirms the sacredness and permanence of the marriage relationship. It reminds husbands that they are joined to their wives in a deep and spiritual union blessed by God. This understanding should encourage husbands to approach their wives with love, respect, and a commitment to work through challenges instead of resorting to harshness or seeking separation.
Proverbs 31:28-29
“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'”
This verse praises the virtuous and capable wife, acknowledged and appreciated by her children and her husband. It serves as a reminder to husbands of the honor and respect they should show to their wives. Rather than being harsh, husbands should recognize and acknowledge their wives’ contributions, expressing gratitude and admiration for their dedicated efforts and noble character.
1 Timothy 5:8
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This verse emphasizes the responsibility of husbands to provide for their families. Being harsh towards one’s wife goes against the call to provide and care for one’s household. Husbands are encouraged to fulfill their role as providers and protectors, ensuring the physical and emotional well-being of their wives and children through love, support, and the provision of their needs.
Malachi 2:14-16
“You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.”
This passage highlights the seriousness of marital infidelity and the harm it causes to both spouses. It reminds husbands of their responsibility to remain faithful to their wives and the covenant they made. The strong language used here underscores the importance of protecting, honoring, and cherishing one’s spouse, rather than being harsh or unfaithful.
Proverbs 14:1
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.”
This proverb highlights the impact a wife can have on her household. It reminds husbands that their attitude and treatment of their wives can either contribute to the building and strengthening of their marriage or result in its destruction. Harshness tears down, but love and respect build up, leading to a harmonious and thriving home environment.
Proverbs 12:4
“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”
This proverb draws attention to the influence a wife can have on her husband’s well-being and reputation. It reminds husbands that treating their wives harshly brings disgrace and decay, while honoring and valuing their wives adds honor and brings blessings. A harmonious relationship where both spouses uplift and support one another is a source of joy and blessing for both.
Proverbs 18:22
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
This verse emphasizes the blessing of having a wife. It reminds husbands that their wives are a gift from God, and they should treat them with gratitude, love, and respect. Harshness towards one’s wife goes against the appreciation and favor that God bestows upon those who cherish their marriage relationship.
Proverbs 19:14
“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
This proverb highlights the value and importance of having a wise and discerning wife. It emphasizes that a wife who brings wisdom, prudence, and good judgment is a gift from God. Husbands are encouraged to recognize the significant role their wives play in the household and to treat them with the respect and honor they deserve.
Proverbs 21:9
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
This proverb serves as a warning against quarrelsomeness within marriage. It implies that harshness and constant disagreements create an unhealthy living environment. Husbands are encouraged to foster peace and harmony within their relationships, avoiding behaviors or attitudes that lead to strife or division.
Proverbs 22:6
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.”
This verse reminds husbands of their role in guiding and nurturing their children. It suggests that the influence and example set by a father within the household can shape the moral and spiritual development of the children. By treating their wives with love and respect, husbands provide a positive model for their children, contributing to their overall well-being and faith formation.
Proverbs 31:10
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
This verse emphasizes the immense value and worth of a virtuous and noble wife. Husbands are encouraged to recognize the worth of their wives and to treat them accordingly. Instead of being harsh, husbands should appreciate and cherish their wives, celebrating their character, dedication, and contributions to the family.
Proverbs 31:11-12
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
This verse highlights the trust and confidence a husband can have in his wife. It encourages husbands to have a positive and supportive attitude towards their wives, recognizing that they contribute significantly to the marriage and the household. By cultivating an atmosphere of trust and appreciation, husbands can avoid being harsh and instead experience the benefits of a loving and harmonious relationship.
Proverbs 31:26
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
This verse describes the wise and discerning character of a godly wife. It reminds husbands to appreciate and value the wisdom and guidance their wives can offer. Rather than being harsh or dismissive, husbands should be open to their wives’ insights, recognizing the importance of their voice within the marriage relationship.
Proverbs 31:28
“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
This verse highlights the honor and praise a wife receives from her children and her husband. It encourages husbands to express admiration and appreciation for their wives, fostering a positive and nurturing environment within the marriage. Instead of being harsh, husbands should acknowledge and celebrate the virtues and accomplishments of their wives both privately and publicly.
Proverbs 31:30
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
This verse reminds husbands to value and honor their wives beyond mere external appearances. It emphasizes the importance of a wife’s character and her dedication to God as worthy of recognition and praise. By valuing their wives’ spiritual journey and growth, husbands can develop a greater appreciation for who they are, avoiding harshness and instead fostering a relationship built on mutual respect and admiration.
Proverbs 19:13
“A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof.”
This verse draws a parallel between the impact of a quarrelsome wife and the frustration caused by a constant dripping. It serves as a cautionary reminder to husbands of the negative consequences that arise from discord and constant conflict within marriage. Instead of being harsh, husbands are encouraged to pursue peace, understanding, and effective communication within their relationships.
1 Corinthians 16:14
“Do everything in love.”
This powerful verse provides a general guideline for all aspects of life, including marriage. It reminds husbands to approach their relationships with their wives with a foundation of love. By choosing love as the motivating force behind their actions, husbands can cultivate a loving and respectful atmosphere, reducing the likelihood of harshness and promoting a healthy and thriving marriage.
Galatians 5:22-23
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”
This verse highlights the qualities and virtues that should characterize the lives of all believers, including husbands within their marriages. By allowing the Holy Spirit to work in their lives, husbands can cultivate characteristics such as love, gentleness, and self-control, which stand in contrast to harshness. These traits enable husbands to build strong and thriving marriages rooted in God’s love and grace.
1 John 4:19
“We love because he first loved us.”
This verse serves as a reminder of the ultimate source of love, which is God Himself. It encourages husbands to love their wives by drawing from the wellspring of God’s love for them. Recognizing the immense love and forgiveness they have received from God, husbands can extend that same love and grace towards their wives, avoiding harshness and promoting a loving and nurturing relationship.
Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
This verse challenges husbands to adopt an attitude of humility and selflessness within their relationships, including their marriages. It encourages husbands to prioritize the well-being and interests of their wives, valuing them above their own desires. By embodying this selfless love, husbands can avoid harshness and instead foster an atmosphere of mutual respect and care within their marriages.
Psalm 133:1
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
This verse celebrates the beauty and blessing of unity, not only within the larger community of believers but also within the context of marriage. Husbands are encouraged to pursue unity and harmony with their wives, recognizing the harmful effect of harshness on their relationship. By striving for unity, husbands can create a peaceful and loving environment where both spouses can thrive and grow.