Mark Twain is one of America’s most famous writers, known for his sharp wit and humor. His clever quotes can make us laugh while also making us think. Whether he’s talking about life, friendship, or the silliness of people, his words have a special way of connecting with us. Twain’s unique style and funny observations make his quotes memorable and relatable, no matter the age.
Today, we’ll share some of Mark Twain’s funniest quotes that are sure to brighten your day. These quotes remind us not to take life too seriously and to find joy in the little things. Get ready for a good laugh!
Mark Twain Quotes Funny
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain
This quote gives us inspiration as it suggests that the first step is crucial. We often put off tasks, thinking that they are too difficult or overwhelming. By simply starting, we are moving forward. It’s a funny reminder that progress begins with action, no matter how small.
“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” – Mark Twain
“I am not sure that they will like it, if they do not, let them keep it to themselves.” – Mark Twain
This quote reflects our natural instincts to be true to ourselves. It’s a funny take on making decisions and expressing ourselves without fear of judgment. We should value our opinions, just like Twain suggests, and not worry too much about what others think.
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
This quote reminds us that laughter and happiness can be contagious. When we focus on lifting others, it often lifts our spirits as well. Twain’s humor encourages us to spread joy, enhancing both our lives and those around us.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” – Mark Twain
“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” – Mark Twain
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain
“The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so.” – Mark Twain
“There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.” – Mark Twain
“I’d rather be a could-be if I could not be than a would-be if I could.” – Mark Twain
“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” – Mark Twain
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain
“A man is not defined by the size of his bank account or the possessions he owns but by the courage of his actions.” – Mark Twain
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” – Mark Twain
“The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.” – Mark Twain
“Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.” – Mark Twain
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” – Mark Twain
“There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.” – Mark Twain
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Mark Twain
“The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.” – Mark Twain
“There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.” – Mark Twain
“If you don’t like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.” – Mark Twain
“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.” – Mark Twain
“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” – Mark Twain
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Mark Twain
“A person who won’t read has no advantage over a person who can’t read.” – Mark Twain
“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain
“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and cry at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.” – Mark Twain
“You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mark Twain
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain
“If you want to change the world, change yourself.” – Mark Twain
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” – Mark Twain
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain
“There are no accidents; there are only encounters and dialogues.” – Mark Twain
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.” – Mark Twain
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
“A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.” – Mark Twain
“My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Mark Twain
“The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite.” – Mark Twain
“The tobacco plant is a roast of itself for being good for nothing but bad for everything.” – Mark Twain
“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” – Mark Twain
“The words of the prophet are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence.” – Mark Twain
“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Mark Twain
“To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble.” – Mark Twain
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Mark Twain
“We didn’t have a prayer till we had a preacher.” – Mark Twain
“The lack of wisdom is the root of all environmental disasters.” – Mark Twain
“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things, freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the wisdom never to misuse either.” – Mark Twain
“If you go to heaven, I will be waiting for you.” – Mark Twain
“We are all made of stardust.” – Mark Twain
“It’s never too late to mend.” – Mark Twain
“Let us never confuse honesty with a lack of tact.” – Mark Twain
“The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite.” – Mark Twain
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” – Mark Twain
“The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing at all.” – Mark Twain
“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.” – Mark Twain
Final Thoughts
We’ve explored many funny quotes from Mark Twain that highlight his unique style of humor and wit. Twain’s observations remind us to embrace laughter in our everyday lives, helping us navigate through challenges with a smile. His quotes bring renewed perspectives, inspiring us to appreciate the little things, recognize the absurdities of life, and choose joy.
By sharing his insights, we can find meaning in our experiences and enjoy the company of others. Whether we’re discussing friendship, learning, or life’s oddities, Twain’s words encourage us to remain curious and open-minded. Let’s continue to celebrate humor together, as it connects us and adds joy to our lives.
For more engaging and funny perspectives, feel free to explore funny quotes on life or enjoy some of the funniest movie quotes for a good laugh.