A marriage without intimacy can feel lonely, even if both partners still care deeply for one another. A sexless marriage isn’t just about the physical aspect—it’s often tied to emotional disconnection, stress, or other underlying issues. If you’re feeling distant from your spouse in this way, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about the complexities of a sexless marriage and how couples can work together to rekindle their connection.
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What Does The Bible Say About sexless marriage
1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
This verse teaches that in a marriage, both the husband and wife have a responsibility to fulfill each other’s sexual needs. It emphasizes the mutual submission and selflessness that should exist between spouses. It reminds us that intimacy is an important part of a healthy marriage and should be approached with love and respect for one another.
Personal Commentary: Sexuality can be a sensitive and delicate topic within a marriage. This verse reminds us that it is not just about our own desires, but about meeting the needs of our spouse. It highlights the importance of open communication, trust, and mutual consent in a sexual relationship. As Christians, we are called to prioritize the well-being and satisfaction of our spouse, and to approach intimacy as an expression of love and unity within the marriage covenant.
1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Paul encourages married couples to not withhold physical intimacy from one another, except in certain circumstances and with mutual agreement. He acknowledges that temporary abstinence for the purpose of focused prayer can be beneficial, but he also warns against extended periods of sexual deprivation, as it may lead to temptation and lack of self-control.
Personal Commentary: This verse recognizes the importance of balancing spiritual devotion with the physical aspect of marriage. It reminds spouses to prioritize regular intimacy in their relationship and to guard against the temptations that can arise from neglecting this important aspect of their marriage. It also highlights the power of prayer as a way to strengthen the marital bond and seek God’s guidance in every area of life, including the sexual relationship within marriage.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
This verse emphasizes the sanctity of marriage and the importance of maintaining sexual purity within the marriage relationship. It warns against adultery and sexual immorality, reminding us that God’s judgment awaits those who violate the marriage covenant.
Personal Commentary: In a world that often diminishes the value of marriage and promotes sexual promiscuity, this verse serves as a powerful reminder of the sacredness of the marriage bond. It calls us to honor and respect the marital commitment, both in our actions and thoughts. It urges us to guard our hearts and minds against impurity and to prioritize faithfulness and purity within the marriage relationship. As Christians, we are called to uphold the biblical standards of sexual integrity and to seek God’s grace and strength to live out these principles in our marriages.
Proverbs 5:18-19
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
This proverb celebrates and encourages the joy and satisfaction that can be found in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. It paints a romantic and poetic picture of the intimate and passionate bond between spouses.
Personal Commentary: This verse beautifully describes the beauty and excitement of sexual intimacy within the marriage relationship. It captures the importance of cherishing and delighting in one’s spouse, even as the years go by. It reminds us that sexual intimacy is not just a physical act, but a deep and passionate expression of love and commitment. It encourages couples to maintain a sense of romance and to continually nurture their sexual connection. This verse serves as a reminder that God designed sexuality within marriage to be a source of joy, fulfillment, and deepening of the marital bond.
Proverbs 5:15-17
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
This proverb uses the metaphor of water to illustrate the importance of keeping sexual desire and expression within the boundaries of marriage. It warns against seeking satisfaction outside of the marital relationship.
Personal Commentary: In a world that often encourages sexual exploration and gives in to temptation outside of marriage, this verse provides a clear message about the sanctity of sexual intimacy within the marriage covenant. It reminds couples of the need to keep their desires, thoughts, and actions exclusive to their spouse, guarding against infidelity and sexual impurity. It calls us to cultivate loyalty and faithfulness in our commitment to our spouse and to honor the boundaries set by God for a healthy and thriving sexual relationship within marriage.
Song of Solomon 4:12-15
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.
In the poetic and symbolic language of the Song of Solomon, this passage expresses the beauty and intimacy of marital love. It portrays the bride as a locked garden, representing her exclusivity and the treasures of her love for her spouse.
Personal Commentary: The Song of Solomon is a profound love poem that beautifully captures the passionate and deep connection between a husband and wife. This specific passage illustrates the unique and exclusive nature of the sexual relationship within marriage. It portrays the marriage bed as a sacred and guarded space, symbolizing the intimacy and vulnerability that is meant to be shared only between spouses. It reminds us of the beauty and value of reserving our sexual expression for our spouse alone, cherishing the treasure of marital love and giving it the honor and protection it deserves.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
This verse calls husbands to treat their wives with consideration, respect, and understanding. It acknowledges the inherent differences between husbands and wives and emphasizes the importance of honoring and valuing one another.
Personal Commentary: This verse reminds husbands of their responsibility to love and honor their wives, even in the context of their sexual relationship. It encourages them to be sensitive to their wives’ needs, both physically and emotionally, and to approach intimacy with tenderness and respect. It also highlights the connection between a husband’s treatment of his wife and the quality of his relationship with God. It urges husbands to cultivate a healthy and loving marriage, recognizing the impact it has on their spiritual life and their ability to commune with God. As husbands, we are called to love, honor, and cherish our wives, and to approach the sexual aspect of our marriage with care, reverence, and mutual consent.
Proverbs 5:3-6
For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.
This proverb serves as a warning against the allure and dangers of adultery and sexual immorality. It highlights the deceptive nature of forbidden sexual relationships and the destructive consequences they bring.
Personal Commentary: Adultery and sexual immorality can have devastating effects on individuals, families, and communities. This verse reminds us of the enticing and seductive nature of temptation, which often appears appealing and pleasurable at first but leads to bitter regret and destruction. It cautions against the short-term gratification that comes from indulging in forbidden sexual desires, urging us to consider the long-term consequences of our choices. It serves as a reminder of the importance of guarding our hearts and minds, remaining faithful to our spouse, and seeking God’s guidance and strength to resist the temptations that may come our way.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
In this verse, Paul exhorts believers to actively avoid and flee from sexual immorality. He emphasizes that sexual sins have unique consequences, affecting not only the body but also the soul.
Personal Commentary: Sexual immorality is a prevalent temptation in our modern culture. This verse reminds us of the seriousness of sexual sin and the unique harm it can cause. It calls us to actively resist and flee from sexual immorality, recognizing that it is not just a physical act but a spiritual and emotional violation. It also emphasizes the need for personal responsibility and self-control in the area of sexuality. As Christians, we are called to honor God with our bodies and to pursue holiness in every aspect of our lives, including our sexual conduct. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can overcome temptation and walk in sexual purity, knowing that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and are to be used in a way that brings glory to God.
Ephesians 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
In this passage, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as they love themselves. He highlights the mutual responsibility and interconnectedness within the marriage relationship.
Personal Commentary: This verse underscores the importance of love, mutual care, and selflessness within marriage. It reminds husbands that their love and care for their wives should be similar to the love and care they have for themselves. It challenges husbands to prioritize their wives’ well-being, including their emotional and physical needs, which includes the sexual aspect of the relationship. This verse encourages husbands to approach intimacy with an understanding and compassionate heart, seeking to serve and satisfy their wives. It serves as a reminder of the interdependence and unity that should exist between spouses, promoting healthy communication, sacrifice, and partnership in all aspects of a loving and fulfilling marriage.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.
Paul encourages believers to pursue sanctification, which includes maintaining sexual purity and self-control. He emphasizes the distinction between the Christian’s pursuit of holiness and the unrestrained passions of those outside of a relationship with God.
Personal Commentary: This verse highlights the importance of sexual purity and self-control as a part of our Christian walk. It reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and are to be treated with honor and respect. It challenges us to avoid succumbing to the passions and lusts that characterize the world around us, recognizing that we are called to live differently as followers of Christ. This verse encourages us to learn to control our own bodies and desires, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us to live according to God’s standards of holiness and to pursue sexual purity in our relationships.
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.
In this list of the fruit of the Spirit, self-control is highlighted as one of the characteristics that the Holy Spirit produces in the life of a believer. Self-control extends to all areas of life, including the realm of sexual desires and actions.
Personal Commentary: The fruit of the Spirit is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. The inclusion of self-control in this list reminds us that God provides the necessary strength and self-discipline to resist temptation and to live in accordance with His will, even in the area of sexuality. It assures us that we don’t have to rely solely on our own willpower, but can depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us to make wise choices. This verse encourages us to surrender to the Holy Spirit’s leading and to allow Him to produce the fruit of self-control in us, enabling us to navigate our sexual desires and maintain purity and faithfulness within marriage.
Proverbs 6:32-33
But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away.
This proverb warns against the consequences of adultery and sexual immorality. It emphasizes the destruction, shame, and lasting consequences that come from engaging in forbidden sexual relationships.
Personal Commentary: The devastating effects of adultery are captured in this verse. It highlights the lack of wisdom and understanding that accompanies the decision to commit adultery, as well as the far-reaching and irreversible consequences that follow. Adultery brings pain and destruction not only to the individuals involved but also to their families and communities. This verse serves as a sobering reminder of the importance of fidelity, faithfulness, and honoring the marriage covenant. It prompts us to consider the long-term consequences of our actions and to seek God’s grace and strength to remain steadfast in our commitment to our spouse.
Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
In these verses, Jesus takes the issue of adultery beyond the physical act and addresses the issue of lust within the heart. He emphasizes the importance of purity not only in our actions but also in our thoughts and desires.
Personal Commentary: Jesus challenges us to recognize that purity begins in the heart and mind, not just in our outward behavior. He exposes the destructive power of lustful thoughts and desires, reminding us that they are just as damaging to our souls as the physical act of adultery. This verse compels us to guard our hearts and minds, rejecting and resisting impure thoughts and desires. It calls us to take responsibility for our thought life, surrendering our minds to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to purify our hearts and redirect our desires. It challenges us to pursue purity in all areas of our lives, including our sexuality.
Proverbs 6:27-29
Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.
This proverb uses vivid imagery to illustrate the inevitable consequences of engaging in adultery. It warns of the harm and judgment that befalls those who violate the sanctity of the marriage covenant.
Personal Commentary: The imagery in this verse vividly portrays the destructive nature of adultery. It shows that engaging in forbidden sexual relationships is like playing with fire – it inevitably leads to pain, damage, and negative consequences. This proverb serves as a powerful reminder of the moral and relational damage that adultery inflicts, not only on the individuals involved but also on their families and communities. It underscores the importance of respecting and honoring the boundaries of marriage, recognizing that there are severe consequences for those who choose to engage in infidelity.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Paul lists various sins, including sexual immorality and adultery, and warns that those who persist in these lifestyles will not inherit the kingdom of God. He emphasizes the seriousness of these sins and their impact on our eternal destiny.
Personal Commentary: This passage underscores the significance of sexual purity in the life of a believer. It reminds us that if we continue in a pattern of sexual immorality or adultery without repentance, we face the consequence of being excluded from the kingdom of God. It serves as a wake-up call to examine our hearts, actions, and choices, recognizing that our eternal destiny is at stake. It prompts us to be vigilant, to resist temptation, and to embrace God’s forgiveness and grace when we fall short. It highlights the need for genuine repentance and a commitment to live in accordance with God’s standards of holiness and purity.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Paul assures believers that God provides a way to escape temptation and that the strength to resist comes from God’s faithfulness. He reminds us that we are not alone in our struggles and that God is ready to equip us to overcome.
Personal Commentary: This verse offers hope and encouragement to those who struggle with sexual temptation. It reminds us that we are not alone in our battles and that God remains faithful to His children. It assures us that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear and that He always provides a way out. When faced with sexual temptation, we can find comfort and strength in knowing that God is with us, ready to guide us, and empower us to resist. It challenges us to rely on God’s grace and strength in moments of weakness, trusting that He will enable us to overcome and walk in purity and faithfulness.
2 Timothy 2:22
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Paul urges Timothy to flee from sinful desires and pursue a life characterized by righteousness, faith, love, and peace. He emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with like-minded believers who are committed to living in purity.
Personal Commentary: This verse calls us to actively and intentionally flee from the desires and temptations that can lead us astray. It challenges us to pursue righteousness and holiness, actively seeking to align our lives with God’s will and standards. It reminds us of the importance of community, surrounding ourselves with fellow believers who are also committed to living in purity. Together, we can encourage, support, and hold one another accountable as we navigate the challenges of maintaining sexual purity in a fallen world. This verse serves as a powerful reminder of the call to live differently as followers of Christ, pursuing a life that is marked by purity, integrity, and love.
Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
In this passage, Jesus addresses the issue of divorce in the context of infidelity. He affirms that divorce should only occur in cases of sexual immorality and warns against the serious consequences of entering into a new marriage with someone who has been divorced.
Personal Commentary: This verse speaks to the importance of the marriage covenant and the devastating effects of infidelity on a marriage. It reminds us that divorce should not be taken lightly and should only occur in cases of sexual immorality. It challenges us to work towards forgiveness, healing, and restoration in our marriages, seeking God’s guidance and grace to navigate the difficulties and challenges that may arise. It also cautions against entering into relationships with individuals who have been divorced without biblical grounds, emphasizing the seriousness of the commitment to remain faithful within the marriage covenant.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
Paul quotes Jesus’ teaching on marriage and emphasizes the importance of honoring the commitment and vow made in the marriage covenant. He encourages spouses to seek reconciliation rather than pursuing divorce.
Personal Commentary: This verse reflects the biblical teaching on marriage and divorce. It reminds us that a marriage is a lifelong commitment and that divorce should be approached with caution and as a last resort. It urges us to prioritize reconciliation and to work towards healing and restoration in our marital relationships. Divorce can have long-lasting and far-reaching consequences, not only for the couple involved but also for their families and communities. This verse challenges us to approach our marriages with selflessness, forgiveness, and a commitment to honor and uphold the marriage vows we have made.
Malachi 2:16
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
In this verse, the prophet Malachi speaks on behalf of God, rebuking those who mistreat their spouses and emphasizing the importance of faithfulness and protection within the marital relationship.
Personal Commentary: This verse confronts the issue of divorce and the mistreatment of spouses. It draws attention to the harm caused when a husband neglects or mistreats his wife and highlights the importance of protecting and honoring one’s spouse. It calls us to be vigilant in our commitment to faithfulness and to guard against any tendencies towards unfaithfulness or emotional abuse. It encourages us to create an environment within our marriages where love, respect, and protection are upheld, reflecting God’s design and purposes for marriage. This verse challenges us to examine our attitudes, actions, and words, ensuring that they align with biblical principles of love, honor, and faithfulness within marriage.
Proverbs 31:10-12
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
This passage in Proverbs praises the virtuous and noble character of a wife. It celebrates her contribution and dedication to her husband’s well-being.
Personal Commentary: This verse highlights the value and significance of a wife of noble character. It affirms the importance of trust, confidence, and mutual respect within a healthy marriage. It recognizes the positive and uplifting impact that a virtuous wife can have on her husband’s life. It challenges husbands to appreciate and honor their wives, recognizing the immeasurable value they bring to the marital relationship. It encourages wives to pursue a character that reflects godly virtues, enriching the lives of their husbands and providing a model of love, support, and faithfulness. This verse celebrates the beauty and wonder of a healthy and fulfilling marriage, rooted in mutual love and respect.
Malachi 3:6
“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.”
In this verse, God speaks through the prophet Malachi, reminding His people of His constant and unchanging nature. He assures them of His faithfulness and steadfastness amidst human fickleness.
Personal Commentary: This verse serves as a reminder of God’s unchanging and faithful character. In the context of marriage, it is an encouragement to rely on God’s faithfulness and dependability when facing challenges or difficulties. It reminds us that God remains the same, regardless of our circumstances or feelings. It prompts us to trust in His wisdom and guidance, knowing that He is with us and will sustain us through the ups and downs of married life. This verse inspires us to anchor our marriages on the unchanging foundation of God’s love and promises, seeking His grace and wisdom to navigate every season and challenge we may encounter.
Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
This proverb contrasts the impact of a virtuous and honorable wife on her husband’s life with that of a disgraceful or wicked wife. It highlights the importance of a wife’s character and demeanor in the well-being of the marital relationship.
Personal Commentary: This verse draws attention to the influence that a wife’s character and behavior can have on the overall health and happiness of her husband. It underscores the significance of choosing a life partner who possesses noble character and values. It encourages wives to strive for honor, virtue, and excellence, understanding that their conduct and attitude greatly impact the dynamics of the marital relationship. It challenges husbands to appreciate and value the virtues of their wives and to create an environment where love, respect, and support flourish. This proverb serves as a reminder that a strong and thriving marriage requires the commitment and cooperation of both spouses, who seek to honor and uphold God’s design for marriage.