Family relationships can be hard, especially when they’re complex. The Bible advises us to respond to difficult situations with kindness and patience, even with toxic stepparents. Scripture encourages respect for family while also promoting peace and forgiveness.
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What Does The Bible Say About Toxic Step Parents
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
This verse reminds fathers to avoid provoking their children to anger or frustration, but rather to raise them with godly guidance and teachings.
A toxic step parent can cause emotional harm to a child by constantly exasperating them. It is important for step parents to build a healthy and loving relationship with their stepchildren, providing them with the necessary emotional support and spiritual guidance.
Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This verse emphasizes the importance of early and consistent guidance in a child’s life. Parents, including step parents, have the responsibility to instill moral values and spiritual teachings in their children.
A toxic step parent may neglect this responsibility, causing the child to stray from the right path as they grow older. It is crucial for step parents to actively participate in the child’s upbringing, nurturing their faith and character.
Colossians 3:21
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Step fathers, similar to biological fathers, are instructed not to provoke their children in a way that could lead to bitterness and discouragement.
In a toxic step parent relationship, the child may feel constantly belittled, criticized, or mistreated, causing them to become discouraged. Step parents should strive to create a positive and nurturing environment where the child feels valued and loved.
Proverbs 13:24
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
This verse speaks to the importance of discipline in a child’s life. Discipline should be done out of love and for the child’s benefit, rather than out of anger or a desire to control.
A toxic step parent may use discipline as a means of exerting power or manipulating the child. Step parents should approach discipline with love, fairness, and understanding, always seeking the child’s best interest.
1 Timothy 5:8
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This verse highlights the responsibility of parents, including step parents, to provide for their families. Providing extends beyond physical needs to emotional and spiritual support as well.
A toxic step parent may neglect their role in providing for the child’s needs, leading to a breakdown in the family unit. Step parents should actively fulfill their responsibility to care for the child, meeting their needs and fostering a loving and supportive environment.
Psalm 34:14
“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
Step parents should strive to live a life free from toxic behaviors and instead pursue goodness, peace, and harmony within the family.
Engaging in negative or harmful actions can adversely affect the child’s well-being and sense of security. Step parents should be role models of righteousness and actively promote a peaceful environment within the home.
Proverbs 31:26
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
A stepmother should seek to speak words of wisdom and kindness to her stepchild. Her words should reflect the love, patience, and understanding that comes from a godly heart.
A toxic step parent may use hurtful words to belittle or demean the child. Step parents should strive to speak words that uplift, encourage, and offer guidance, maintaining a compassionate and loving atmosphere.
Matthew 7:12
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
This verse, often referred to as the Golden Rule, emphasizes treating others with kindness, respect, and empathy.
A toxic step parent may not treat their stepchild with the same fairness and consideration they desire for themselves. Step parents should demonstrate the same love and compassion towards the child as they would expect to receive, fostering a healthy and mutually respectful relationship.
Galatians 5:22-23
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”
Step parents should strive to exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit in their interactions with their stepchildren.
Love, joy, peace, kindness, and self-control are crucial qualities for building a healthy and nurturing relationship. Toxic behaviors such as anger, impatience, and lack of self-control can have detrimental effects on the child’s emotional well-being and overall family dynamics.
James 1:19
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Step parents should cultivate a habit of active listening, avoiding impulsive reactions, and allowing their stepchild to express their feelings and concerns.
A toxic step parent may dismiss or ignore the child’s thoughts and emotions, which can lead to a breakdown in communication and a sense of rejection. Step parents should prioritize open and respectful dialogue, ensuring that the child feels heard and understood.
Proverbs 19:18
“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.”
This verse highlights the positive intention behind discipline, as it serves as a means to guide and correct a child’s behavior, ultimately leading to their growth and well-being.
A toxic step parent may neglect their role in disciplining the child or, conversely, administer harsh and harmful discipline. Through love, understanding, and discernment, step parents should discipline their stepchild in a manner that fosters their development and spiritual growth.
Proverbs 17:17
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
A step parent should strive to be a friend and confidant to their stepchild, providing love and support in both good times and challenging circumstances.
A toxic step parent may create an environment of hostility or neglect, failing to offer emotional support during difficult periods. Step parents should cultivate a bond of trust, demonstrating their commitment to the child’s well-being through consistent love and affection.
1 Corinthians 16:14
“Do everything in love.”
This verse serves as a reminder to step parents to approach their role with love, allowing love to guide their actions, decisions, and interactions with their stepchild.
A toxic step parent may be driven by personal agendas, animosity, or indifference. Step parents should strive to exemplify unconditional love and extend grace, establishing a foundation of trust and acceptance within the family unit.
Proverbs 15:1
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Step parents should respond to their stepchild’s behavior or emotions with gentleness, understanding that harsh words or reactions can escalate conflict and negative emotions.
A toxic step parent may respond with anger or aggression, worsening the situation. Step parents should prioritize communication that fosters understanding and peace, demonstrating empathy, and seeking resolutions with a calm and compassionate approach.
Psalm 127:3
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
This verse reminds step parents of the precious gift and responsibility they have in raising a child, acknowledging their value as a blessing from God.
A toxic step parent may disregard or devalue the child’s worth, causing emotional harm. Step parents should recognize the significance and potential impact they have on their stepchild’s life, treating them with love, respect, and gratitude.
Psalm 103:13
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.”
This verse speaks to the compassionate nature of God and encourages step parents to exhibit the same compassion towards their stepchildren.
A toxic step parent may lack empathy, failing to understand or address the emotional needs of the child. Step parents should strive to emulate God’s compassion, offering support, comfort, and understanding to their stepchild, particularly during challenging times.
Proverbs 3:12
“because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
Step parents should recognize that discipline is an act of love, designed to guide and correct their stepchild’s behavior.
A toxic step parent may either neglect to discipline or employ excessive and punitive measures. Step parents should seek God’s wisdom in administering discipline, ensuring that it is done with love, fairness, and discernment, leading to the child’s growth and spiritual development.
Proverbs 16:24
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Step parents should choose their words carefully, speaking with kindness and grace, as their words have the power to heal, strengthen, and uplift.
A toxic step parent may use hurtful or demeaning language, causing emotional harm. Step parents should strive to encourage and inspire their stepchild through their words, providing affirmation, and creating a nurturing environment where the child feels loved and valued.
Philippians 2:4
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Step parents should prioritize the well-being and best interests of their stepchild, setting aside their own desires and agendas.
A toxic step parent may be self-centered or neglectful of the child’s needs. Step parents should demonstrate selflessness and genuine care, actively seeking to understand and meet the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of their stepchild.
Proverbs 12:18
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
A step parent’s words can have a profound impact on a child’s emotional well-being. Wise and considerate words can bring healing and encouragement.
A toxic step parent may use their words recklessly, inflicting emotional wounds on the child. Step parents should take great care with their words, choosing to speak with kindness, patience, and wisdom, promoting emotional healing and growth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
This famous passage describes the characteristics of love, which are essential for step parents to embody in their relationship with their stepchild.
A toxic step parent may lack patience, kindness, or the ability to forgive past mistakes. Step parents should strive to love their stepchild unconditionally, seeking their best interests, protecting, trusting, and persevering through the challenges, just as God’s love is steadfast and enduring.
Matthew 22:39
“And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
This verse teaches the importance of showing love to others, including stepchildren, in the same way we would love and care for ourselves.
A toxic step parent may prioritize their own needs and desires above their stepchild’s, neglecting to show genuine love and care. Step parents should model Christ’s love, treating their stepchild with the same level of compassion, grace, and respect they would desire for themselves.
2 Corinthians 6:18
“And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
God’s desire is to have an intimate and loving relationship with His children. As such, step parents should strive to emulate this divine father-child relationship and forge a similar bond of love and care with their stepchild.
A toxic step parent may reject or withhold affection and love from the child, causing emotional harm. Step parents should embrace their role as a nurturing and loving figure, extending grace, acceptance, and unconditional love to their stepchild.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
This verse highlights the importance of consistently teaching and sharing God’s commandments and principles with children, including stepchildren.
A toxic step parent may neglect the spiritual growth and development of the child or fail to share their faith. Step parents should actively engage in discussions about God and spiritual matters, leading by example and creating opportunities for the stepchild to learn and grow in their own faith.